Thursday, January 31, 2013
When it snows, I can't keep Adrian inside. Each time he comes in, I have to remind him not to tra k snow through the house. Just now, I showed him a big chunk of snow that fell off his shoe and told him to take care of it. He bent down, picked it up, and smooshed it back on to his shoe. Then he retraced his steps, picking up all the little bits of snow on the floor AMD packing them onto the tops of his boots. "There!" He said with a proud big boy smile, hands on his hips like superman, and he went back outside.
Me: you know it's ok to let people take care of you sometimes.
Ella: I don't neeeeed anyone to take care of me.
Me: but it's nice sometimes to let someone take care of you.
Simon: you do need someone to tale care of you. You're a girl.
Ella: I WILL break your arm, and mama will let me.
Me: Ella, I actually won't let you break Simon's arm.
Ella: I don't neeeeed anyone to take care of me.
Me: but it's nice sometimes to let someone take care of you.
Simon: you do need someone to tale care of you. You're a girl.
Ella: I WILL break your arm, and mama will let me.
Me: Ella, I actually won't let you break Simon's arm.
Don't be Rude!
Any adult who is offended that a child doesn't want to speak to him or her is the one with the problem, NOT the child. When I say hello to kids in public, most just say hi back, but some don't. If I had a quarter for every child who hid his or her face when I said hello in the shopping line, I could buy Ella a very nice car for graduation. I have never been offended.
Throughout my life, I have had children say things about my clothes, my hair, my cane (when I broke my foot), my father's wheelchair, hair on my legs or underarms in the odd season I decide not to shave for a spell... I have been called old, loud, weird, fat, ... I've had my gender questioned (are you a boy or a girl?), I've had my race questioned. I've been asked if I'm a witch. I've had my hygiene questioned. I've been told I need a shower on multiple occasions (after painting or art or playing at the park or dying hair or something -- why are you so dirty? why are you fingernails black?) Parents have been very embarrassed, I have never been offended.
Kids are trying to make sense of the world, trying to determine where "others" fit into their schemas. Part of our jobs as parents is to guide them through those moments. The best way to do it is to honor their instincts, engage their intellect, and feed their curiosity, to talk to them about that "weird lady" on the way home, ask why they say what they say, tell them "yeah, I can see why you think that." then engage them in conversations about differences and what we can learn from them.
Kids are so very curious. We need feed that curiosity and broaden their scope -- not say "Oh my GOD! I'm so sorry!" then turn to the kids and say "DON'T say that! EVER!" with no explanation beyond telling them it's rude. All of their stumbles are opportunities for us to help them understand their world. And believe it or not, even when we shut them down, we are helping them understand their world, and the world we are creating for them when we shut them down says their thoughts and opinions, their feelings and judgements are problematic at best and completely insignificant and insubstantial at worst.
Throughout my life, I have had children say things about my clothes, my hair, my cane (when I broke my foot), my father's wheelchair, hair on my legs or underarms in the odd season I decide not to shave for a spell... I have been called old, loud, weird, fat, ... I've had my gender questioned (are you a boy or a girl?), I've had my race questioned. I've been asked if I'm a witch. I've had my hygiene questioned. I've been told I need a shower on multiple occasions (after painting or art or playing at the park or dying hair or something -- why are you so dirty? why are you fingernails black?) Parents have been very embarrassed, I have never been offended.
Kids are trying to make sense of the world, trying to determine where "others" fit into their schemas. Part of our jobs as parents is to guide them through those moments. The best way to do it is to honor their instincts, engage their intellect, and feed their curiosity, to talk to them about that "weird lady" on the way home, ask why they say what they say, tell them "yeah, I can see why you think that." then engage them in conversations about differences and what we can learn from them.
Kids are so very curious. We need feed that curiosity and broaden their scope -- not say "Oh my GOD! I'm so sorry!" then turn to the kids and say "DON'T say that! EVER!" with no explanation beyond telling them it's rude. All of their stumbles are opportunities for us to help them understand their world. And believe it or not, even when we shut them down, we are helping them understand their world, and the world we are creating for them when we shut them down says their thoughts and opinions, their feelings and judgements are problematic at best and completely insignificant and insubstantial at worst.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)